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The Monolouges

Please be advise that will be foul language and adult subject matter. 

If you missed the first post in this on going series, you can always find it here. But now that you’re caught up. Let’s get right into this with my monologue.

An older lady isn’t always a wiser lady. I only learnt this at a young age. I was just young age of 19 and went out to the bar with a good friend David. David called me right as I was going to play on my computer. He convinced me with the promise of drinks and a good time, so with little poking on his part, I dragged myself out of the house and meet up with Dave at the local bar. He and I had enough drinks that made the night fly by between bad jokes and even more stories as well as games of pool. I broke up the mix with some dancing on the dance floor of this small watering hole. I being the brash teen, I went up to these two older women with glasses of wine in hand.  I challenged them to a doubles game. David was half over the one girl but I was just half into my last drink and the game. Last call hits and of course, like most men, I tried to close, AGN style – always grab numbers. So this women, who I found out is a kindergarden teacher lived within walking distance from the bar. K-teacher gave me her number AND we walked home. A highlight had to be while we were talking, she squatted behind and did something I haven’t seen up till this date. She threw up while taking a piss. It was the train wreck that I couldn’t look away. So after that, we continued to walk back to her place. I was about to turn and head home but she invited me in for a night cap. I was a bit nervious but I let the night carry me forward. So we had one bottle of red wine. God I hate the bitter taste of the wine that night. So we started to make out on the couch and I was still not even acting like myself. She pulled me by the hand into a smaller bedroom. I flipped on the light switch to see that we were in her kid’s bedroom. I just stood in shock, the teacher was peeling off her clothes on the race card bed. I felt a sudden awakening or I came almost instantly sober and just shook my head and said, “Nope! Not happening” I said as I put back on my shirt, grabbed my shoes and walked out the door. I always think about how some older women aren’t always that bright.

So I hope you enjoyed my monologue and don’t forget to tip your waitress or waiter, those people are here for you.

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